A new dimension of roleplaying

I always claimed to be a roleplayer. Recently, I discovered a completely new dimension of roleplaying.

In a past doing a roleplay was some sort of excuse to become whomever I wanted. It allowed me to explore the explorable. Recently, however, doing a roleplay became too difficult, too exhausting. My mind simply didn't want to be bothered to pretend that I'm someone I'm not.

Carefully, I have been choosing to roleplay characters that I could believe are me. Carefully, I have been considering the idea of roleplaying not sure whether I can actually go with it. A recent scene with did with Abel or with HH slowly convinced me that my kink is back and again I can enjoy roleplays without having to persuade my mind to co-operate.

When Marlowe started teasing me with the idea of doing a 'darker scene' I was sold straight away :). His talking about scene when a broken girl cries begging for mercy just blew my mind.

It reminded me about the fantasies I used to have when I first started playing. Nation tightly controlled my the government, strict rules for everything, especially the ones describing moral behaviour. Think kinky version of V for Vendetta if that describes it for you better. The interrogation scene whose purpose is not to just get the information. A scene in which confession could possibly be just the beginning of the nightmare.

I think I might need to spare you the details of the scene we actually did. Mostly, because it's still a bit blurry (not too mention embarrassing!), but there are some things about that I know I will remember forever.

I remember the cuffs digging into my wrists and then I don't remember noticing it any more.
I remember feeling cold and then I became too distracted to notice.
I remember my hair annoying me trapped by the hood tickling my face and then it seemed that they weren't there anymore.

All these tiny annoying details, that usually threaten to take me out of the headspace that time were insignificant I was so thoroughly gone enjoying the fly.

I remember Marlowe's hand stroking my hip and leg, and his whispers that if I wouldn't tell him what he wanted to know he would soon have to start hurting me again. I remember feeling that I wanted to be hurt while tears filled my eyes yet again.

I remember wanting him to do ANYTHING. Needing his attention no matter how painful or humiliating.

Shortly after that, my mouth opened and I remember hearing myself say 'please let me be your toy'. And then I consented to be hurt or pleasured, whichever one would take his fancy.

I still can't imagine that we played for nearly 2 and a half hours. I can't imagine that I stayed in character all the way through. An I most certainly can't imagine where it took me. I personally don't believe that it's possible to experience Stockholm syndrome-like emotions during a roleplay. But if not then what the hell was I feeling?

PS. I tried electroplay (or should I say had it tried on me LOL) for the first time in this scene. I so absolutely loved it!!! :) I can't believe it took me 4 years to try it!!!