By looking at how most kinky girls evolved and changed over the years it is not uncommon to find bottom/subs gradually or even quite suddenly to swap to the 'dark' side and become tops/dommes.
I always find myself having different level of trust when playing with a girl who used to be a bottom for many years. I don't really fancy being topped by a women on a psychological level often but on a physical level I have no worries whatsoever. Girls can be mean, but on the whole they tend to know perfectly well HOW to be mean. At the same time I find myself ready and willing to forgive a girl when she was topping me much easier. Don't get me wrong I never hold grudges over scene that didn't work, the stroke that went astray or similar with guys either. All I expect is to my definite no's and safewords to be respected. But with ex-bottoms/switches girls there is this additional 'if you fancy doing something just do no need to ask' kind of attitude.
At the same time I always resisted the desire to top a girl myself fearing of getting it wrong. I caned guys on parties many times. Not a roleplay or anything just canings. One girl in the passed stamped her feet at the idea of being caned by me which made me all the less willing to try it the next time. My toppish desires however were still somewhere deep in me and truth to be told my first ever fantasies were about me being a top. In a way it I knew it would be a matter of time before I will try.
Part of me lazily enjoyed being a bottom and didn't want it to change. Someone else being responsible, using you, abusing, taking what they want. Also, there wasn't really anyone kinky I would genuinely want to play with/top I knew until recently.
And then suddenly I found myself holding a cane and being encouraged to use it. And there was this girl, Lily, in front of me, partially stripped, her hands secured... A girl (or should I more correctly say a woman) full of most deligthfull contradiction I can imagine. From one side you see extremely inteligent and successful in life person and from the other side a very sensual kinky soul with this something in her face that makes it impossible to resist.
I was dying to use this cane but at the same time I was so scared I could hardly think. I caned guys before, I caned guys harder than I have ever been caned myself and I knew can be accurate, but I have never caned a girl before. And then and there I was freaking out about getting it wrong. I remember feeling dizzy and quickly realised I forgot to breath, not a good beginning.
Now when I look back at this situation that happened more than 6 months ago I do realise that my worries were...well slightly exagerated. More has happened since then and I like to hope even more will in the future. I always have a comfort of her partner, Marlowe, being there, playing with us/her to stop me before I will do something utterly silly.We don't play heavy, more on the sensual side (for the lack of better word to describe it). Watching Lily respond and react to what happens to her is so amazingly powerful to watch. Sometimes I just feel like I could sit and watch her and Marlowe play for hours.
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Congrats on taking the plunge. I've had a similar experience to you, in that I had caned willing chaps in a non-roleplay/non-intimate context before I ever actually topped in a way that felt more personal/real - and when I did it was in response to a specific woman who I was close enough to that I rose up to meet her challenge.
ReplyDeleteFeels good, doesn't it? :)
Topping is my natural desire, so I think I can understand some of the appeal it has for you. It's also a huge responsibility if we care to be good at it. Being a voyeur is exciting without the burden of responsibility. I'd love to see you as a top.
ReplyDelete@Pandora - certainly made me craving more :)
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