I have been thinking recently a lot about domestic discipline. It's more about discipline really, than domestic. I lack discipline, I always did. Changing it is not easy, especially when there is no external help.
As a spanko girl I learnt that there are ways of finding some external help. So I have been thinking a lot about domestic discipline as it seems to be linked. And reading a lot, especially at Punishment Book. Domestic discipline seems to be as broad area as the CP itself. Or even more.
I'm pretty sure by now that the question is not whether it would work for me, but which aspects of it would work. I'm a control freak, and would never want someone to control my life, but at the same time cravings for some discipline does imply that I would want to have my life control to certain extend. Confusing.
I know that apparently so common aspect of being punished for safety reasons would not work for me. I didn't decide to move out of my parents' house and away from their constant do's and don't's to voluntary allow someone else to decide what is too dangerous for me. It's my life and I will decide what is too dangerous and what's not.
It's a discipline thing I crave for. Studying, working – anything really. To use my time efficiently, to feel more satisfied and fulfilled, to be more happy. I believe it's called time management. Oh, I'm good at planning it's just I can't stick every now and then to what I planned.
I'm suppose it's not as bad as it might sound, I was always a good student etc. I think that my laziness is nicely compensated by my ambition. Still isn't it that we always want more what we have?
How does that all go with domestic discipline? I don't know really, having someone setting up rules for me to follow sounds like it's bound to back fire. Even if it was me setting those rules, being controlled and checked whether I follow them sounds easy only in fantasy.
Reality seems to be full of tricky details that I can't even begun to comprehend...
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Kami, you are right, D/D isn't easy and there isn't a rule book.
ReplyDeleteFor a strong girl like you, I can see that handing over control would be hard.
Perhaps if you set your agenda, and the necessary discipline, and handed over the application of the discipline to your trusted partner.
Do you think that would work for you?
Warm hugs,
Paul.
Very interesting, Kami. As Paul says, Domestic Discipline doesn't appear to be that clearly defined. However people want to set it up. Anything from like you were completely under a parent's authority to just someone acting to help you with self-discipline.
ReplyDeleteI wouldn't think you'd want to sacrifice independence unless it's fantasy or play. I think you're like me, in that the idea of that kind of thing is appealing, it could be used positively to help, but no way do we want anyone else actually controlling our lives. We want the freedom to be flexible, to change our own minds about something if that's what we decide. If you could set your own rules, is it possible that the person helping you could always be totally in tune with when you needed discipline? Seems unlikely.
The thing I like about DD is that it can be real. About real life stuff, not just discipline in some kind of contrived role playing. Aside from the practical value, that puts it into a different emotional space and heightens the meaning. If my partner wanted it and could live with it, I think it would fit my kink just right. I've never known someone like that, and I respect anyone who can't give up their autonomy.
Ross
Interesting post, Kami, and interesting too to compare it to Emma Jane's recent post on the same topic.
ReplyDeleteHaving the right disciplinarian must be key - someone you trust, to whom you're willing to hand over a degree of responsibility for discussing and dealing with your r/l issues. That's a very different dynamic than the sort-term power exchange that comes with playing a scene.
Openness, honest, fairness and timeliness would also then seem like essentials as well.
Having read The Punishment Book, I guess you'll have seen that the couples there have had all sorts of different agreements / disciplinary regimes, and that these have changed and evolved over time.
Hope you can work out what you want in this respect and work out how to make it happen.
Thanks guys for suggestions/advices and actually anyfeedback at all :)
ReplyDeleteAbel - yes I noticed how it evolved between people writing on PB...makes me wonder what happens if it evolves only in one person?
Paul
"Perhaps if you set your agenda, and the necessary discipline, and handed over the application of the discipline to your trusted partner."
Might be too faked to be real, but on the other hand who knows...probably only trying would give any idea.
Ross
"I wouldn't think you'd want to sacrifice independence unless it's fantasy or play."
Want - no. Feel the need - yes.
"If you could set your own rules, is it possible that the person helping you could always be totally in tune with when you needed discipline? Seems unlikely."
Rather very unlikely, but weirder things have happened ;)
The thing I tend to find interesting is when people say that DD requires that you give up control to someone else - frankly, I'm not sure that's the case. In truth, discipline in that sense is often about helping you work out your own issues so that YOU (had to emphasise that) can benefit from it. It's similar to looking at insecurities: what about your life bothers you? What would you change if you could? What's stopping you?
ReplyDeleteThe answer is typically motivation: a person finds it hard to act on certain desires for self-improvement, so they need a little help. I don't consider that giving up control - that's taking control of your own life but getting someone else to take care of the methods by which you're 'encouraged'. Tardy? Then you get disciplined for each time you're late. Have trouble focusing on your work? Not a problem, as you can imagine (although maybe so if you have to work AFTER your spanking...).
If there's a control element being handed to another person in any sense, it's much the same as would be true in your play sessions - naturally you don't let things go too far, so you keep a safe-word on hand. And usually the disciplinarian dictates the implement(s) and number of swats, but really, that can also be controlled by you, if you establish your base rules. Each infraction carrying a specific punishment, increasing in severity for each repetition. Not exactly outside your sphere of control ;)
In truth, though, as you've said, it could be fake unless your partner/disciplinarian is similarly invested in your discipline - they have to want to help you improve, and thus look at it from an objective approach. Can't just provide discipline because you and they enjoy it, but rather with a view to ensuring that you DO get somewhere as a result of it. So they always have to be willing to go that extra mile to make sure you achieve your goals. Tricky, absolutely, but possible nonetheless.